Some of the individuals who submitted stories to Gum's Writing contest have asked for comments and constructive criticism. I had hoped to write this blog last week, but reality got in the way.

The following seven individuals have posted or PMed me with requests for a review of their work. So here are my comments....

1 - VihnoVerde ~ "Tropical Mayhem."

Looking at my notes, your story was a Top 5 Contender; and did in fact end up as part of my Top 5. The twist ending was nicely done. You actually used a Writer's tool that I sometimes turn to.... misdirection. Anyone reading the start of your story would assume that the dead body on the floor was human. At the end, the Reader learns otherwise; and is relieved as well as entertained by a solid short story. Nicely done.
_______________
2 - JackPhantasm ~ "Clarity."

You admitted that your story might have turned out better, if you had concentrated on it a bit more. I have to agree. While good, I too feel it could have been better with just a bit more effort. The main thing that kept your story from being a Top 5 Contender, is that the format was better suited to that of a novel; instead of a short story. Far too much background information was provided. The Reader has to go through the background info., before getting to the short story part of the story. But the overall effort was quite good. Stick to Writing, but only when you can find the time to put in 100%.
_______________
3 - TacticalShoe ~ "That Smell."

Very entertaining. Your story grabs the Reader's attention from the start, and doesn't let go until the very end. The comedy element makes the story entertaining too. It highlights, rather than detracts from the dark ending. It's very well-written. But the concept is not a new one. That's the only reason why it wasn't part of my Top 5. The story reminded me of the film "Love Potion #9" and one of the rare comedy episodes of the TV series, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Your story was a new take on the same concept. But I had to take points off since it wasn't an original idea. Still, your story was very well done and entertaining. I hope you continue to write, as I believe you DO have at least some talent.
_______________
4 - Scribbler ~ "God Bless You, Aaron Hartley."

I'm sorry to say, but your story was near the very bottom of my list. (And I don't mean my Top 5 list). I'm not even sure where to begin. Best way to describe your story is like a literary version of Frankenstein's Monster. The Monster was supposed to be a human being who was put together with a bunch of "spare parts" belonging to other people. When I read your story, it felt like spare paragraphs from other stories, patched together into one story. Everything was disconnected, disjointed, very difficult to get through. And once I did, the ending made no sense. I'm honestly not trying to be an ass when I say this, but if you want to keep on writing; I'd recommend some books that teach basic writing techniques and concepts.
_______________
5 - 36Holla ~ "The Cellphone."

Your story made my Top 5. It was everything a short story should be. I was entertained, it grabbed my attention, and the twist ending was very satisfying. There's not much I can add. Clearly you do have at least some writing talent, possibly quite a bit more. Consistency is key. If you can keep writing stories such as "The cellphone," then go for it!
_______________
6 - WritersBlock ~ "The Butcher of Krankhafte."

Another member of my Top 5 list. You mentioned you wanted to create a horror story in the tradition of H.P. Lovecraft. Well, you succeeded. A bit longer than an average short story, but it captures the Reader's attention early on; and holds onto it.
_______________
7 - yurgenburgen ~ "Town trouble."

What turned out to be little more than a homosexual rape story had the potential to be a lot more. I was fascinated with how the story started out. Had no idea what would happen when the new guy walked into the Gay bar. There was even some character development. (A rare thing in most short stories). I was really looking forward to how the story would progress..... And next thing that happens is a brutal, homosexual, rape scene. Your story had shock value, and nothing else..... apart from the potential to be better than what it was.
_______________
8 - Earfetish ~ "Friends Forever."

A very well-written story about a man who decides to give in to his Dark side. A couple of technical issues regarding the making of an actual Molotov cocktail. But other than that, it was very good, overall. You just missed out on being included in my Top 5. Not because I didn't think your story was any good. But simply because I found 5 others that I thought were more entertaining. Your story, at times, read more like a monologue than a short story. It was very intense. But left no room for a suspenseful or twist ending.

- - - More comments will be added if any other individuals who submitted stories wish to have them reviewed.

You know you want it.....

NSFW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHjBRBS fxLs&feature=related

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0CWxYP 987s

Somewhat NSFW.

Go ahead, click the link.

You know you want to....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaamZLK Rul0

There is a possibility that Sanjay may have done something drastic last night. If anyone can confirm that he is okay, please PM me.

This in reference to this thread.....
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/83 5239

I am disabling comments from this particular news post.

UPDATE:
~~~~~~~~~~

Good news! Sanjay did not do something drastic after all. He's okay for now!

Much respect to TheBigLemon for PMing me with the good news.

Sanjay made a new thread.....

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/83 7010

Ask me for advice or a question, and I will respond!

A tornado touched down in Brooklyn almost a full day ago. Causing massive damage. Residents lost their roofs and even their cars as trees were snapped like twigs, and came crashing down. Some damage was also done in the Bronx. Every New Yorker with a job was also effected, as subway service ground to a halt. Buses were overloaded beyond belief. Every taxi driver in Manhattan had a field day, as folks trying to get to work jumped into one. The temp? 91 freaking degrees on the F scale! For a couple of hours, during the morning, NO subway trains at all were running.

I was better off than some commuters. I work nights. Getting home during the morning rush today was the worst commute I've ever had during the almost 30 years I've lived in NYC. As usual, the MTA (whose job it is to make sure all city buses and trains run on time) had a piss-poor contingency plan. While it's true that there was a tornado, with major flooding in several parts of the city and inside most subway stations; the MTA is known for doing a piss-poor job even when there's just a bit of heavy rain. The same subway stations, such as the 179th Street station in Jamaica Queens, always get flooded. And the MTA never takes any preventative measures to try to prevent the same problem from happening over & over again.

The MTA contingency plan is the same one as always:

1 - Shut down train service, often with no advanced warning to those inside the trains, when stations up ahead get flooded. (Sometimes trains are re-routed on other lines so that commuters can at least get close enough to their destinations where they can continue either on foot or by bus). But usually, the train pulls into the nearest station, and only then does the conductor tell everyone that it's the last stop.

2 - Commuters then pile out, and look for an MTA employee who can give them info for using buses to get to their destinations. These employees often are NOT token booth clerks. Many clerks have no freaking clue as to which buses go where. While a handful are actually helpful, my experience has shown the vast majority of them to be useless. Old technology that was once necessary, until metro-card vending machines were placed in all stations. (Hell, you can't even use a token for riding the subway anymore. So these clerks are mostly a waste of tax-payer dollars). Like I said, a few are actually decent, intelligent human beings who are great during emergencies. But many are just human vending machines who don't do anything else all day, hate their jobs, and couldn't possibly care less if a commuter had a heart-attack right in front of them..... The MTA employees assigned to give out directions, often have no clue what they're talking about. You're usually better off finding a fellow commuter who sometimes takes the bus, and asking him for directions.

That's pretty much the shitty contingency plan the MTA usually comes up with..... at least they're consistant. What can you say about an organization who's only job is to make sure that buses and trains run on time, and they can't even do THAT right! ...... I'd like to say that the MTA stepped up and did their best to make sure that commuters didn't have a Hellish experience during the morning rush. I'd like to...... but then I'd be a pathetic liar.

My commute home was made better by the Muslim cab driver who, as it turns out, lives in my neighborhood and speaks perfect English. Thanks to him, I actually made it home with only a 2 and a half hour delay. (Should have jumped into a cab sooner). Oh yeah, since the subway trains were either not working or horribly slow, the highways turned into parking lots jammed with commuters trying to get to work or back home. Plain & simple, subways are the life-lines of NYC. (My cabbie took side roads that actually WERE moving). I was more than happy to hand him the $45 when he pulled in front of my home. He deserved the generous tip he got from me..... And since none of the trains I use to get to work are running, I had to call out from my night-shift job. Slow & inefficient MTA, just as usual. So, I lost out on a day's pay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why am I smiling while making this blog? It's because of the silver lining in the really bad day I had..... My new Header! Generously made and given to me by JadeTheAssassin. (She so sweet). Inspired by an old Baccardi & Cola commercial, Jade did a beautiful job of creating the image I had in my head. Thanks Jade! W00t!

For those NGers who might have missed it, here's the thread....

Link - http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/74 9603/1

Unless you currently have an active story on NG, you can forget about ever posting one on the General forum ever again.

(For those NGers who enjoy my story threads, I will be allowed to continue to post chapters until "A little ghost story" comes to an end). So, a bit of good news.

From now on, all Writers on NG must post their stories on their User page. I see this as a bad idea for a number of reasons. The main one being, less exposure for those who are good at writing stories. Despite a number of so-called benefits to this new restriction, it boils down to having your story buried in one tiny corner of NG; your User page..... where hardly anyone is likely to see it.

The so-called benefits? Tiny, in comparison to having other NGers see your story thread on the General forum. With the obvious disadvantage that new NGers are not likely to visit random User pages. On General, they are more likely to see your story, and comment after you bump your story thread with a new chapter..... I received a PM from a relatively new NGer just a couple of days ago. All I'll say is that, had my previous stories been buried in my User page, this individual would never have found them and would never have gotten the enjoyment that they provided him.

And that's why I post my stories. For the enjoyment of my small group of loyal Readers..... A small group that is not likely to grow any bigger. New NGers who love a good story are going to be shit out of luck when it comes to finding good stories from the handful of talented Writers on NG. I don't write just for the sake of doing so. I do it for those who enjoy a good story. (Had my first feature-length story on NG failed miserably, I would never have posted a 2nd one. Plain & simple).

Not sure what I will do once "A little ghost story" comes to an end. Perhaps I'll post my stories on a different site, and just come to NG for mindless fun only. While I don't want to abandon my loyal Readers..... some of whom, ironically, are Mods. I also seriously don't want to bury one of my stories on my User page. To be honest, I find the idea of posting stories on one's User page (rather than on General) as a convenient way for the Mods not to have to deal with such threads. Part of me can understand why...... Far to many talent-less morons who have no clue what the following words mean: Sentence structure, Plot, Theme, Character developement, Spell-check..... And yet, they make story threads anyway! Apparently, there's a shitload of delusional NGers who like to pretend that they're Writers. Basically, they fucked it up for everyone!

So, I would like to hear from other NGers (especially those who enjoy a good story) as to suggestions and comments for the best way for me to continue to entertain my loyal Readers..... Especially considering that posting on General is verboten. I hate the idea of posting stories on my User page. It would make me feel like some sort of freak, being allowed to do what makes him happy..... in a small, deep, dank, dark corner of NG where no one is likely to see his work.

Still, if enough NGers comment or PM me with requests to continue to write on NG, on my User page. I'm willing to perhaps reconsider my decision not to post stories on my User page. Simply put, I write for the enjoyment of others. When you guys enjoy one of my stories, it puts a smile on my face. As such, my unfortunate exchange with Sarai, on the above-mentioned thread, made me realize it would be selfish of me to just cut off my loyal Readers from future stories. So let me know what you think! Continue to post on NG after my current story is done? Yay or Nay. Comments and PMs welcomed.

For everyone interested in a good story, here's a list of mine on NG. Starting with the short story that helped me win the Story-Teller Award in the Second Annual NG Idol Competition. (Last post on page 2, continued first post on page 3). Followed by my entry in the Third Annual NG Idol Competition. (22nd post on page 4).

"Infected."

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/69 3985

"The Guardian."

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/88 7584
"The Terror."
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/55 5535

"5 Kings."
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/58 3870

"Monocrom's Short Story Collection."
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/65 3911

"A little ghost story." (Currently in progress at chapter 27).
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/74 3401

*Special thanks to Lord-Macer who had most of my stories linked on his User page. He also has good stories from other NGers on his User page. Go check it out. :)

Just as the title says.... My next feature length story will soon be on the General forum!
Chapter one, on the 25th!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EDIT:
I kept my promise! Here's the link!

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/74 3401

Book mark it, or PM me if you want to get PMs from me when I update the story.
New chapters = posted weekly. If I'm exhausted, you might have to wait a couple of days longer.

Go Enjoy, and spread the word! :)